It’s not enough just knowing how to give feedback: receiving properly feedback can be just as important.
Have you ever wondered why receiving constructive feedback can be so challenging and uncomfortable? 🤔 And, more importantly, how can we overcome this difficulty and transform feedback into growth opportunities? 🚀
Constructive feedback is a powerful tool to drive our personal and professional development. It allows us to identify areas for improvement in our behavior, revealing aspects that we may not have been fully aware of. Moreover, feedback invites us to reflect and provides valuable self-awareness, serving as inspiration to outline our growth plans and become enhanced versions of ourselves.
👉 However, facing harsh feedback and criticism can be extremely challenging. In this article, we will delve into the reasons why receiving constructive feedback is so uncomfortable for us as human beings. Additionally, we will share valuable tips to prepare yourself and become a master in the art of receiving feedback, with the primary goal of transforming it into real opportunities for improvement.
Get ready to explore this important topic and discover practical strategies that will help you enhance your ability to handle constructive feedback. Are you ready to embark on this growth journey? Let's go!
The biological
factor Our minds are the result of millennia of evolution, shaped by the survival needs of our ancestors in hostile environments such as jungles and savannas. During those primordial times, our more "anxious" ancestors had a competitive advantage because acting quickly in the face of threats was crucial for their survival. Imagine the following situation: two hominids come across a lion in the jungle. Who would have a better chance of survival? The one who instinctively fled without questioning whether the lion was a real threat, or the one who hesitated, evaluating the situation? The answer is clear. We are conditioned to react automatically to threats.
🟣 When it comes to receiving criticism or feedback, our brain interprets these evaluations as a threat to our survival. Criticism shakes our self-esteem and generates the fear of not being good enough to belong in our social circle. As a result, our biological system goes on high alert: increased heart rate, shallow breathing, and a familiar sense of tension. You are surely familiar with these sensations!
The scientific basis of this phenomenon is solid. In his book "Your Brain at Work", David Rock highlights a discovery from his research: the same neural connections that process our social needs are activated when we face threats to our survival. In other words, feeling hungry or being rejected by our "tribe" triggers the same sense of threat. After all, what is rejection if not the exclusion from those we have chosen as our community?
The psychological factor
We all have an inherent desire to belong, be loved, and admired. However, receiving constructive feedback can challenge these basic needs. Psychologically, we experience different forms of attacks when confronted with "criticism".
We confuse behaviors with identity: Our defensiveness arises because we tend to link our identity to the feedback we receive. Irrationally, we believe that we "are" the feedback, instead of recognizing that we are simply "receiving" that feedback.
We are influenced by "emotional reasoning": We have a tendency to believe that something is 100% true based on the emotions we are feeling at the moment. For example, if we are having a bad day, we can easily believe that we are bad people in general.
We engage in polarized thinking: We tend to see situations in extreme terms, dividing them into categories of either completely good or completely bad.
We catastrophize: We have a tendency to exaggerate the size, scope, magnitude, and importance of an event, thought, or feeling that affects us. We turn minor setbacks into major disasters.
It is evident that there are various biological and psychological factors that influence how we absorb and react to critical and constructive feedback.
Now, the most important thing is to discover how we can improve in the art of receiving feedback and seize the opportunities for growth.
Some tips on how to make the most of the feedback you receive 🚀
🟣 Listen actively: When receiving feedback in person, demonstrate open body language, maintain eye contact, and ask questions to clarify your understanding. Summarize what you have understood to confirm the message. Be careful not to ask defensive questions that may block future feedback.
🟣 Give it time and reflect: Just as you should not immediately reject feedback, don't accept it right away either. Take some time to reflect on the information received, analyze its validity, and identify opportunities for improvement.
🟣 Accept your negative emotions: It's normal to feel upset when receiving negative feedback. Instead of suppressing these emotions, allow yourself to feel them and let them calm down before moving forward. Taking a walk or engaging in a relaxing activity can help in this process.
🟣 Take control of your development: When receiving feedback, focus on opportunities to correct or enhance specific behaviors and skills. Use it as a chance for personal and professional growth.
🟣 Close the loop if you have become a better person: Reach out to the feedback provider and share how you have applied the learning and how it has impacted your development. Demonstrating gratitude and sharing the progress made is a way to close the feedback loop.
🟣 Don't argue, just thank: Avoid getting into defensive arguments when receiving feedback. Instead, thank the person for the time and effort they dedicated to providing feedback. Show appreciation for the growth opportunity.
🟣 Stay curious and open without losing your critical perspective: Maintain an open posture to receive feedback, but don't forget to critically analyze the information received. Balance your receptiveness with your critical thinking and maintain your perspective.
🟣 Cultivate a growth mindset: Embrace a growth mindset where feedback is seen as opportunities for improvement. Believe that it is possible to learn and develop with each feedback received.
⚠️ Remember: only you have the power to decide what to do with the feedback. Use it as a tool to drive your growth and achieve your personal and professional goals.
An effective strategy for dealing with challenging feedback
When encountering difficulties in accepting feedback, try the exercise of two-column analysis. Take a piece of paper and divide it into two parts.
In the left column, list the problematic issues related to the received feedback, such as: the message is not true; it is not fair; it was given at an inappropriate time; the motives behind the feedback are suspicious; the person was emotionally influenced; or the giver did not exercise care or skill when providing the feedback.
In the right column, list everything that you believe is correct in the received feedback. This practice is valuable because we tend to dismiss the entire message when we encounter something we disagree with or dislike. Even if 99% of the feedback is incorrect, there is a good chance that that 1% is exactly what you needed to hear.
And what can we conclude? 🤔
"Perception is all there is."
- Tom Peters
By allowing ourselves to see through the perspectives of others, we understand how our actions are interpreted by the environment around us. This not only increases our self-awareness but also brings us closer to the people we interact with through empathy and compassion.
Learning to manage these exchanges allows us to expand our horizons and regain perspectives more quickly when we are overwhelmed by doubts and insecurities. By developing this resilience, we are capable of receiving constructive feedback with more openness and less defensiveness, cultivating a growth mindset and building a supportive and transparent environment. And who benefits from this? All of us 🚀
Do you have any questions? #ChatWithUs 🚀 😄